There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
