so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
