He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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