i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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