In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
