Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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