You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize