people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
