I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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