Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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