Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
