Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
