mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
