so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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