You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
