false alarm. still invincible.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
