So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just google imaged poop.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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