i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
