i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
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help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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