oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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