You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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