The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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