I am spending my child support on dildos
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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