when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
