no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
