Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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