just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I touched a dick in church today
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
