honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
