i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
