her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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