i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
