omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
