YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
