You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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