She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
