note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
