So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
