Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
