I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
