and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this