i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.