He disabled his match.com account in front of me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level