I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
