I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
