and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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