two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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