If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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