first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
