A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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