i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
