I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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