so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm jealous of your bromance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
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WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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