My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
