ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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