He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"