Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
