you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
