Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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