I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
