Me too!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
