Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
