1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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