Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
