hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
