I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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