the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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