I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
