dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
